She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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