she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
