somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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