Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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