I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
