the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
