i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
