she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
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