So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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