Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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