we're blogging at a bar
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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