4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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