I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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