Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
