Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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