I love black thongs
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drake has all the answers
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
