saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm both gender and math confused
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