I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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