Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
