I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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