Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
