I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
