After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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