Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
