Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
