I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
