dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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