are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
