Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
