I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He shit in the fireplace
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
