at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
