either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize