I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
