You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
