I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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