oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
