If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
