I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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