So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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