This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize