don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
