Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
