sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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