can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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