2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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