I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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