They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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