If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
