What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
