Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
