I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize