I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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