Where did you get a picture of my penis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
