dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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