you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
