Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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