I wanna bring you to show and tell
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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