so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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