I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
