It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
