What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
