In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This is my gift to your gina
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
