My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
