my sisters under your porch take her home
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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