You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
