Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
