My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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