My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
