I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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