A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
