I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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