you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
