After last night, I could never be a politician.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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