After last night, I could never be a politician.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
