Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
