so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize