is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
