Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
